April 2024 – WARNING: Vegans and animal lovers may be traumatized by the subject matter.
Continue reading at your own risk.
For the last four weeks I’ve been consumed by thoughts of lobster. 🦞
Live ones. Boiled ones. Stuffed ones. Mascot ones. You name it, I’m thinking about lobster pretty much 24/7.
I even dream about it. In my dream, one of them is named CLAWdia. No joke.
Why?
It’s because lobster is the feature act, the headliner, the pièce de la resistance, if you will, at a client event that starts today.
As you’re reading this, I’m packing up my SUV with event supplies and heading out for load-in day. The lobster stress I’m under will likely be totally resolved at this point. But, at the time of penning this (lobster) tail, I’m in a pinch.
You sea, the lobster side of the event got me in a bit of hot water.
First, our lobster mascot costume was lost at sea.
So, I set out to trap me another one, which proved to be a SHELL of a task. After 4 try-ons, I think I finally found one that will work, but it wasn’t without a lot of frustacean.
Then, when I was shore that was it, I was faced with another cray-sea challenge – a lobster delivery and logistics issue.
Getting 400+ fresh Nova Scotia lobsters out of the ocean and onto a plate in Ottawa requires clawsome precision.
We call this part of the project, ‘Operation Crustacean’.
Working with my butter half, Stewart, from Tangier, Nova Scotia, and my other butter half from iSPARK, Dave, we somehow get the little guys on a truck, a plane, another truck, and a dolly before they meet their murderer, the chef at the Westin Hotel.
However, this year, their flight from YHZ to YOW had to be re-scheduled! Even hiring a shellicopter wasn’t an option.
Since the lobster is the star(fish) act, a later arrival would mean the event would be a total lost claws.
As I’m writing this, we still have not sorted out the solution, but since I’m known to be an event prawn-fessional, I’m confident that we’re not going to get caught red-handed and everything will be a lobsterrific success!
Me sharing this story is a little shellfish on my part … I simply needed an outlet for my saltiness on a Sunday morning in April. Tis the (lobster) sea-son after all!
If you’re crackin’ a smile right now, feel free to forward this to all your non-vegan, lobster-loving friends. No pier pressure though.
PS – Have you heard the one about the guy who went into a seafood restaurant and asked the server how they prepared the lobster?
The server got quiet and simply said, “We just tell him the truth, man. ‘This is the end of the line’.”